I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize