my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
