Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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