Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
