Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize