You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
