I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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