She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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