when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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