just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My bed smells like the plague
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
