i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
