She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
