before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
