He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize