dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
