Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
