doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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