I hate your face
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
