The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
