youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize