..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
