The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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