If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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