chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
