the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
