I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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