How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The power of my boobs compel you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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