she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
