I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
