I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize