i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
