I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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