I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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