my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found puke in my bra..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
