the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize