my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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