Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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