I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came so hard my ears popped.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize