I'm going to rape someone's good day.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
