break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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