eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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