did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
