I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
