I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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