Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
