Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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