this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
