How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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