I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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