9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
