Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
