every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
