quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
