She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
