champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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