just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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