heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
