You're so nebulous sometimes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
