i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
a search helicopter?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
