ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
