well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
