you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
