she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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