i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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