I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
