so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
