Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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