i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
