I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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